Post by kristincritchfield on Jul 25, 2011 14:00:10 GMT -5
My best friend’s mom used to say that the only thing that kept her sane all these years was the little alone time she spent at night after her kids were in bed. When I was a kid, I never actually cared whether or not my friend’s mom was sane. I probably thought that it’d be pretty awesome if she ended up going crazy. As I got older, I started to realize that a little time away from friends, school, and drama actually keeps me from spazzing out or going insane. Then, William Deresiewicz mentioned Trilling’s "sincerity": “the belief that the self is validated by a congruity of public appearance and private essence, one that stabilizes its relationship with both itself and others.” And eureka! The meaning behind what my friend’s mom said years ago finally hit home: it’s important for a person to spend time away from isolation, hanging out with friends, “chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and shooting some b-ball outside of the school.” But it is equally important that at the end of the day to nicely dismiss yourself from your friends and the day’s activities and just spend time with yourself. Get to know yourself. Because if you don’t know yourself, one day you’ll be in an interview for the job of your dreams and your future boss will say, “Hi. Now tell me a little bit about you!” And you’ll draw a big blank. You’ve got to know yourself just as well as you know your best friend or just as well as one twin knows the other twin. You’ve got to know yourself well so that you can think for yourself well, if you get my drift. Let’s say you and another man are in desperate need of money, and a woman in the room proposes to you both that a good way to make money would be to bake people into pies. The man in the room with you heartily agrees to the woman’s proposal, but what would you do? Now those who spend no time with themselves, who just want to be in the in crowd, like Mr. Deresiewicz says many are caught up into doing, would see that the man in the room with you has agreed so they will too, just so that they can feel like they belong in a group. But, on the other hand, if you’ve spent any time alone with yourself, you’d realize what a crazy idea that is and you would never commit a repulsive act such as that one. The right decision is made all because you know yourself!
At the end of his essay, William Deresiewics suggests that “those who would find solitude must not be afraid to stand alone.” I don’t necessarily believe that to be completely true. One can socialize with their friends and family and still find time to be alone if they want to be. The important thing is to know yourself well, but don’t be completely solitary. Just think of Daniel Day Lewis in The Last of the Mohicans. He seemed like a solitary man who knew himself pretty well, but he still gave himself time to go out with his adoptive father and brother and save some lives, fall in love, and avenge some deaths. He had a pretty good balance between being alone and being with people. And he didn’t go crazy. Just like my friend’s mom didn’t go crazy. A good balance between being social and being solitary is a good way to keep oneself out of the loony bin.
At the end of his essay, William Deresiewics suggests that “those who would find solitude must not be afraid to stand alone.” I don’t necessarily believe that to be completely true. One can socialize with their friends and family and still find time to be alone if they want to be. The important thing is to know yourself well, but don’t be completely solitary. Just think of Daniel Day Lewis in The Last of the Mohicans. He seemed like a solitary man who knew himself pretty well, but he still gave himself time to go out with his adoptive father and brother and save some lives, fall in love, and avenge some deaths. He had a pretty good balance between being alone and being with people. And he didn’t go crazy. Just like my friend’s mom didn’t go crazy. A good balance between being social and being solitary is a good way to keep oneself out of the loony bin.